Coping: Why It Matters and How It Develops

We often hear the word coping used casually: “I’m just coping” or “I can’t cope with this right now.” But in psychology, coping has a more precise meaning. It refers to the thoughts, behaviours, and emotional strategies we use to manage stress and difficult situations. Coping is not about avoiding problems—it’s about how we navigate them.

Coping develops across our lifetime. As children, we learn to self-soothe—perhaps by holding a favourite toy or turning to a parent for comfort. These early experiences build our first repertoire of coping skills. Developmental psychologists like John Bowlby emphasised the role of attachment in shaping how we respond to distress. Secure attachment tends to foster healthier coping, while inconsistent or neglectful care may lead to patterns such as avoidance or heightened anxiety.

In adulthood, coping becomes more complex. Lazarus and Folkman (1984) famously distinguished between problem-focused coping (taking active steps to resolve the issue) and emotion-focused coping (regulating the feelings that come with it). Both are valid. For instance, if you lose your job, problem-focused coping might mean updating your CV, while emotion-focused coping might mean seeking social support or allowing yourself to grieve.

It’s also worth noting that coping is not always healthy. Maladaptive strategies—such as substance use, excessive avoidance, or overworking—can temporarily relieve stress but often worsen things in the long run. On the other hand, adaptive strategies—like mindfulness, problem-solving, or reaching out for professional support—tend to strengthen resilience over time.

The encouraging news is that coping is learned and flexible. You are not stuck with one style forever. Through therapy, journaling, or even self-reflection, you can expand your coping toolbox. By doing so, you not only survive challenges but also develop confidence in your ability to handle whatever comes next.

Coping, then, is not a sign of weakness—it is a sign of being human. And when we learn healthier ways to cope, we don’t just get through life, we grow through it.